A Tale Of Love And Lessons

I had the kind of relationship that was iron clad.  One that could never fail or falter...... until it did. 

I had been married to the most wonderful man on earth for almost twenty years when my whole world shifted of it's axis.  We had been living long distance for a considerable amount of years when one day we both realized that we were not "as happy" anymore.  We still loved each other madly but over the years he had built his career in one country and I in another. Neither of us wanted to ask the other to give up his or her life work to move and start over, but we both wanted the same thing.  To be together. Again. 

In the main time the separation was taking a major toll on us.  We were both miserable without each other. And so one day, in a confused and frustrated emotional state, we decided to just end it.  

Our relationship had become, too hard, challenging and the separation from each other, a major source of tension. 

There was seemingly no solution to our dilemma.  If I asked him to forfeit everything he had spent his life blood building, surely he will resent me and he felt I would resent him if he asked the same of me.  What a colossal mess!  

And so, for two years, we grieved for what could have been.  We called each other from time to time, and lost ourselves in each other for a few minutes.  It was always the same, like slipping on your favorite pair of jeans. 

Dependable. 

Comfortable.

 Effortless. 

Just Right

 Two years later, we still had not pulled the trigger on getting a divorce. Neither of us had the strength or fortitude to follow through on it, though we knew it was inevitable. To make matters worse, neither of us could date another person.  He was stuck on comparing other women to me and I compared other men to him.  Needless to say, everyone we could potentially date was all wrong for us! No matter how good looking or good they were. Clearly, it wasn't them. It was us.

Eventually, my hubby and I realized that we had made a huge mistake.  It was clear to us now that what we had was rare. Something to cherish and nurture.  All we needed to be happy was each other.  To hell with all else! 

Today we are together.  My husband and I wake up every day next to each other. We are happier than we have ever been.  Over the years we have learned lessons that makes us appreciate what we have.  Ironically, our two year separation has done more for us than the best marriage therapist. 


Here Are A Few Lessons We Learned Along The Way.

Never sweat or nit pick the small stuff

Laugh and enjoy each other every day.  No excuses!

Work and set goals as a couple but never worry or quarrel about money or bills

Be grateful for what you do have

Trust each other completely 

Communicate your feelings! 

R E S P E CT each other. Period.

Never go to sleep angry or upset

Show your love by your actions!  
Give impromptu massages or cook/order each other's favorite dish

Today, while I may not be a guru of love, I have learned enough to make a significant difference in my own relationship.  I will never, ever make the mistake again to think that my career or anything else is more important than my relationship. 
 If given a choice, I choose LOVE!  

CHERIO!

An Unconventional Love Story

When I said yes to my husband's marriage proposal, I did not have any grandiose ideas about having a big wedding or even a reception. There was only one thing I had to have, and that was a nice ring. A wedding ring to me is sacred and it represents the everlasting love between a husband and wife. Hopefully. But in addition to that, my wedding ring is what I will wear everyday "till death do us part"...... so I wanted one that I really really liked. Well because I am such a nit picker, I mean selective shopper, I ended up designing the rings myself and having them custom made.  Our jeweler did a wonderful job and I fell head over heels in love with my ring at first sight.

Then the worst thing happened two years later...I lost my ring!

I had been hiding this little dark secret from my husband for three months.  I just couldn't bear to tell him I had lost it, after all it had cost him a small fortune.  To make matters worse, I knew exactly where I had lost it and there was no hope of ever retrieving it.  You see, I had lost it in the ocean. Way out in the sea where Jaws and his crew hang out......probably.  It was only a matter of time before my husband figured out the real reason why I had not been wearing my ring and I was beside myself......and out of valid excuses.

Well, the very next day my mom and brother came for a visit and I got this sudden urge to go to the beach and collect shells.  I love beach combing so why not?  My brother on the other hand could care less and refused to go with me. For some strange reason though, my mother and I relentlessly begged him to go with us until he got sick of us and gave in.  (To this day I find this quite strange since it is out of character on both sides.)  When we got to the beach the tide was low, so low you could walk out about a quarter of a mile on the sand banks which my brother did by himself.  Mom and I stayed closer to shore picking up beach goodies, there was so much beautiful shells to choose from that day.

getty images

 All of a sudden, my brother who was out so far he looked relatively smaller, starting yelling.  My mother and I rushed to see what was wrong.  He seemed quite excited, he was waving frantically at us and jumping around. When we got within earshot of him, he was grinning ear to ear.  "I found something he said."  What is it?, I asked eager to see.  He slowly opened his hand and there nestled in his palm was my ring.  The one I had lost three months ago in the ocean.  My mom recognized it instantly and asked me "Wan, isn't that your ring?"  All I could do was gulp.

Turns out my ring somehow serendipitously reappeared out of the abyss after three months in strong sea currents and miles of shifting sand. My brother finding it equates to finding a needle in a hay stack. He said he saw a small beam of light emanating from the sand out of the corner of his eye.  Those were his exact words. Trust me, I am still in awe of this, I mean what?!!!  That beach is huge, plus the ring was buried under 15-25 feet of ocean for months.  What are the chances....and my brother had almost stayed at home too. All the planets had to be aligned just right for this to have happened, and they had. To this day, I just call it what it was. A miracle. My husband and I love each other so very much and our rings are a symbol of that love.  Maybe that is why it found it's way back to me.  Back to us. ...well that is what I believe anyway.

Since this incident, I wish I could tell you I never lost it again but I did lose it once after that nine years later.  And you know what, it found me again under very strange/unlikely circumstances. Call me crazy but in my sixteen years of marriage, because of the times I lost my ring, it is even more precious to me.  It is so true that you never realize the value of something until you lose it.....even if only temporarily.  I realize now that it is not the cost of the ring that matters so much to me but the cause of the ring.  It's all about love. And so lovelies, today on Valentine's day I wish you love.

Cherio!